Jane the Destroyer

I feel like leaning my head out the window and screaming, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!".  Or is it "It's my money and I want it now!" Either one would work fine.

That's not what Jane's thinking. She's looking out the window and thinking, "The world is my oyster, man. I gotta get out there!"

I'm just going relay a little taste of the insanity that has become my daily life with Jane. Jane (bless her heart) has turned two. Over the past week, Jane has:

• broken my favorite mug, a dinner plate, a salad plate, and my favorite platter from grandma. 
  
• dumped out my wood floor cleaner into a huge puddle and sat in it (nice - I smell like oranges)
  
• pulled out Ed's beloved records from the cabinet and emptied many of them from their sleeves (I want daddy.... oh, here he comes!)
  
• has discovered how to climb up on the kitchen table. I left the room and returned to find her sitting on the laptop (feel the power of the internet!)
  
• has repeated tried to order AOL by reaching up and typing random keys on my desktop keyboard (it's a conspiracy!)
  
• learned that pulling random unseen items off the kitchen table is fun and exciting (what could it be? ketchup? mom's camera? a steak knife?)
• emptied out a laundry basked full of folded clothes
  
• ripped pages out of my scriptures
  
• ruined a half a box of Tampax by unwrapping them, disassembling them, and either chewing on them or dropping them in the toilet.
  

I needed to take a shower, but not wanting to risk another broken plate or injured child, I decided she could have a bath whilst I have a shower (we have a separate bath). 

During my shower she:

• emptied the shampoo bottle into the tub
  
• poured a cup of water onto the bathroom floor, and
  
• unrolled the roll of toiletpaper into the tub (and ate some, for good measure)
  

This newfound sense of adventure comes with a price. Jane has also:

• fallen off the step stool at least 3 times in the last week. The last time she gave herself a bloody nose
  
• pulled a small (nearly empty - don't call child protective services!) end table dresser onto her herself and cut her upper lip
  
• fallen down the stairs
  
• fallen off then kitchen chairs
  

In addition, here are some regular activities she does at least 3-4 times a day:

• "rearrange" our cd collection (love the clackety clack sound!)
  
• crawl over to the open dishwasher (hurry! it's still open!) and pull out the dirty cutlery to see if she can find any snacks.
  
• emptied out the newspaper recycle basket (ahhh, tearing paper...)
  
• empties out any cupboard, closet, purse, wallet, shoe basket, toy box, or sack. (I just love chewing on my mom's mp3 player!)
• play drums with all of my plastic bowls and storage containers
  
• wreak havoc with the television buttons (I know how to get mom off the couch!)
  
• rubs her eyes and hair every time I happen to feed her something containing tomato sauce (how else am I supposed to get in the bath and make a mess?)
  
  
• wakes up and cries the moment I put her in bed (must get into mom's bed, must get into mom's bed....)

It's a good thing Jane is just about the sweetest, mildest, cutest child you'll ever see on the face of this earth. I love you Jane, more than you'll ever know, but I'm so tired.